MY “WHY” – THE MONSTER IN THE MIRROR
Isn’t it amazing the power that words have to create or destroy our own sense of worth? This is why I started Creating Queens Pageant Coaching. My goal as a pageant coach is to make women of all ages feel confident and empowered while realizing the keys to their kingdom lies within them. As a mentor, author, and advocate, my prayer was always that God would use me as a vessel to remind women that they are smart, worthy, and possess tools within them to live an extraordinary life. Why? Because I don’t ever want another young girl to feel about herself the way I did.
When I was a young girl, I had a nightmare one evening that would change the way I looked at myself for decades to come. Being Puerto Rican, I always looked different than other kids and I would get teased… A LOT! My lips were full, so children nicknamed me “big lips.” At that time, I hated it. Now, I realize it has become one of my best features that makes me memorable. As a child, my arms and legs were long and thin and I was completely disproportionate. It took me years to finally grow into my own body. All of this teasing would eventually lead me down a road of feeling insecure and anxious throughout my entire youth. If you don’t think God has a sense of humor, I could show you pictures from my childhood that would prove otherwise!
Due to many years of getting teased, my confidence level dropped significantly. I knew I wasn’t pretty but constantly being called ugly ripped my heart into pieces. I often dreaded having to face the kids at school at school who often reminded me of this daily was not much fun. One night I had a dream. In my dream I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection of a disfigured young girl who looked like a monster. This reflection in the mirror was me and it terrified me so much, that I woke up crying. From that moment on, I could not look in the mirror at night when I would get up in the middle of the night. I had a nightlight that would show just enough light to see myself, but I refused to look in the mirror. Every night for many, many years, I was afraid to look in the mirror in fear that I would see the reflection of my “monster” looking back at me.
One night as an adult I got up and walked into the bathroom with my eyes staring at the floor, and I heard Gods voice echoing in my soul. “Look up, there is nothing to fear.” I heard this but stood motionless in front of the mirror. Then I heard it again even more clearly, “Look up, there is nothing to fear.” Slowly, I raised my head with anxiety in my heart and felt it beating harder and harder. As I slowly looked in the mirror, I saw the reflection of a woman with big brown eyes, full lips, and she didn’t look like a monster. For the first time, I looked at myself and realized the monster in the mirror was the illusion I adopted from others who didn’t accept me for who I was.
From that moment on, I decided to accept myself and fully embrace the way God made me. Although I didn’t look like everyone else, I was perfectly imperfect just the way I was, and I promised myself that I would never allow another person’s opinion of me to tarnish my own opinion of myself. I realized that you don’t have to look like another person. Your differences are what will eventually become your strengths…. remember this. What was my biggest lesson from my greatest fear? Our greatest fears often come from our own illusions. Those illusions we have adopted from another person’s perception of you that has NOTHING to do with you. I believe we all have our monster in the mirror, but some of us hide it better and others have healed from the illusion. Which one are you?
People speak fear into the hearts of others so often, but what you don’t realize is that they are telling you what they think of themselves… not you. If you can remember this truth, it will remind you to create your own reality and never adopt another person’s illusions as your own. This is my “why” when it comes to being a pageant and women’s empowerment coach.
You have so much beauty within you, and choosing to embrace the unique qualities about yourself that make you different are to be celebrated not hidden. Remember, behind every smile is a very loving and delicate soul. You never know who you may impact with the power of your words. Speak kindness into someone’s heart, share a warm smile, and an encouraging hug. One day you may be the person who helps them realize their truth and see their own beauty for the very first time.
XOXO,
